The Clinic =/

I had a letter sent to my house today inviting me to go to a clinic next week as my doctor has rung them up asking them to see me. I really don't want to go i was going to through away the letter but they would have rung up my house.
My mum said i should go but i really can't and i really don't want to talk to the physcologist as i don't trust her but she wont get anything out of me i will just pretend to be really happy and that nothing is wrong so she wont want to see me again.

I hate my doctor.

I Feel Horrible.

Today has been the worst day i have had in ages. I have been so weak today and i can't believe i have let myself eat what i have. Chocolate is the worst thing ever i have just been craving it today as i haven't had it in ages so i think that's why i am craving it.

Tomorrow i shall get myself back on track, i have been to the gym and i am doing some exercises tonight at home i am doing everything i can. I purged as well which is the worst as i got out of the habit of doing that and i don't want to start again.
I must make sure i get a lot of sleep tonight as the more sleep you get the more calories you burn so i will be getting well over 8 hours sleep.

I need to stay motivated and i can't get back into bad habits...i hope i can be stronger tomorrow.

Such A Bad Day.

I was doing so well...i thought i had actually built up a strong will power but today that all just came crashing down.

I got sent home from school today and my eating routine was going perfectly but then i was feeling so bad about my day and myself that i just couldn't control what i was eating and now the guilt is over whelming. Today i am going to have to ignore all cravings and need for food as i have done so badly today. I really should do my stomach exercises to stop the bulge i got rid of come back.

My thighs and bum don't seem to want to get any smaller yet...which is annoying as i think they are the worst parts of my body. I wish i was stronger and had a bigger will power like the character Hannah Ashworth from Hollyoaks, i am obsessed with the anorexia storyline that was aired in 2007 and i can't stop watching the episodes. I just wish i had buddy like she did in the soap as i feel so alone right now. I don't think my friends like me much at the moment and i feel so alone but i guess that is the price you pay.


I am determined to succeed though, nothing can stop me now i know what i want and i wont stop till i get exactly what i have dreamt off.

I just have to be stronger.