He makes me so happy at times that I forget how fat I actually am and because I see him so much I hardly focus on weight anymore, it isn't good because I still so desperately want to lose weight and be the thin girl that is stuck inside my disgusting body.
He is a distraction.
He compliments me all of the time as well which gives me fake positivity towards my body, for a moment I think maybe I am not as fat as I think I am but then BOOM I shake my head and tell myself that I am stupid and silly for ever thinking anything like that whilst my body is in this state!
I feel horrible for writing this about him as I do love him and he is the most important person in my life so it's nasty me writing about how annoying it can be when he distracts me from losing weight, but I need to be thin and no one understands this.
I do not know how to motivate myself to do it. I have tried every thing I know about keeping strong and dropping the weight but I cannot succeed and it's frustrating!
So very frustrating...
Focus focus focus focus focus focus focus
no more fat no more fat no more fat.
I need to repeat my good thoughts over and over again until it sinks in properly that I must do this however hard it might be.
I need to remember all the people on this blog who are so determined to be beautiful and skinny and how I let them down every time I eat.
Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddddddddd to focus!!! Now!
No more stupid excuses anymore.
Many thin girls on my college course, they can thinspire me.
Horrible fatness needs to go. I hate my lumps and my plump skin.
I hate being 115lbs and being the size I am.
I need calm down and think clearly.
Find inner peace and clean my body of all toxins.
I love my boyfriend poor him :( I'm no good for him. I'm selfish and vile.
1 comment:
i know the feeling. when the love of your life says something like "you could weigh 500 lbs and i would still love you" it lulls you into this false sense of inner peace. my beau does this constantly. when i told him i want to get down to 98 lbs he said "no" but eventually, after begging and pleading with him, he gave in and said "as long as you do it healthy, i will support you." but yet he keeps telling me how beautiful i am and how much he loves me just the way i am. its not helping any. yes, i get what youre saying about him distracting you from losing the weight.
Post a Comment