Someone I Once Knew

I quite love this song by Dead Celebrity Status. It's different compared to other songs about eating disorders I have heard, it is also a song that I keep playing over and over again like My Skin by Natalie Merchant. That song makes me cry so much. Holds a big memory for me.

458.

That is today's calories.
Shit is one word I can think of for that. It just seems so much yet everyone I talk to about how I eat thinks it is insane or scary or worrying. I don't understand it, maybe my perception is just abnormal to everyone else but it does not bother me. My throat is hurting so much at the moment I really need to drink more water. That is one thing I used to do all the time and not so much anymore, I just forget to drink. I used to drink a class of water every hour, I should do this again. It makes me pee a lot but it does detox your body completely.

I am shocked that my stomach isn't very bloated and big today after yesterday when I was over my dad's. I did eat too much but it hasn't affected my body. I got lucky. I can't make a habit of doing that as everything will just be ruined.
My mum is getting ever more persistent. She keeps buying brownies from a local bakery. It's annoying. They are 189 calories each which is awful. I can't bin them though I feel mean, I'll just let them go past their sell by date.
I can't talk to my mum at the moment. This always happens when I am losing weight or trying very hard to lose weight. I don't understand why it happens. Maybe it's guilt or the fact that I don't want her to find out again as she will take me back to the mental health clinic, which I did so well to get out of by tricking everyone into thinking I was over this.
I do feel better today though, the lovely feeling of hunger is ever present in my stomach so I feel okay.
Hope you all are okay too!
x