Do You Ever Doubt This?

Sometimes I feel as if I could be doing without all of the heartache, hurt and struggle that comes with this. I feel that if I or us should I say were "normal" then we would be happier and wouldn't have such bad moments of desperation and sorrow. But then I remember how important all this is and how much it means to me. Without it I would probably be a lot bigger than I am now, I'd rather be dead than that. I struggle on and on and hopefully one day all my effort will be rewarded. I want that to be the case for every girl or boy who is like us. In some cases unfortunately it's not.
There is a part of me that wishes for all of this to end and wishes for me not to worry about weight and losing it, luckily the part of me that disagrees with this is stronger. I've been lying on my bedroom floor after doing some stomach crunches wondering how long all of this will carry on for and I have realised that it will probably be with me for as long as I shall live. This thought doesn't really bother me as without it I would be fatter, weaker and ignorant. I don't know if anyone else feels the same way as me but I feel as if I need this to be in my life.

Today though has been a weird one. I haven't lost anymore weight which is annoying but I went on a four hour bike ride with my friend. She did a lot better than I did, probably because I didn't eat anything before I went out so was running on empty calories. I felt weak and tired but blissful. I have had a horrible headache ever since that though but no worries.
My boyfriend has just turned up on my doorstep so I must go.

Stay strong my lovelies.
Much love
x